He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
