Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
