She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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