remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How many fucks given?
0.12846
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
false alarm, still single
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
