i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
