is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
