Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
