Me. At least after what I've been through.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
