Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
