Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
