i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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