All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
