This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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