He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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