You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
