Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
