So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize