No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
