oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
