I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
