a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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