i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
