I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
