And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
