i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
