I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
