i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
