Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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