Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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