I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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