He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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