Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
