I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As shirtless as possible
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
