so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
