There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
