Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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