Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
