I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
