his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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