DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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