i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
