thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
