there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
