Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
