I'm lost and stupid without you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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