Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
