Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
