he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
