it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Alive.
So much puke
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
