Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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