are you still at the devil's house?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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