No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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