Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
