after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
