yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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