Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
