I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
