I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
