I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize