Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
