wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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