cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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