when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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