i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize