I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
