I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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