i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
