i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
