Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize