so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
