why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
