i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
