I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
