operation harelip BJ is a go
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
