I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
