I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you never un-have a 4some
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
