True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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