I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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