He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
