I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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