she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
