I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your cock deserves a montage
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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