You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
