Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
