Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
