Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
