You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
