it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
