I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
