I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
