Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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