You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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