bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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