I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
