I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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