yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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