I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
