I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
