Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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