hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize