Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
