Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize