it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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