A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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