Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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