He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
