Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
