i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
