haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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