I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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