Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
