If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
