she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
