I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
