Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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